you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
