we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
