Plan B is the new Plan A
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
