At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
