U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
