I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
