Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
