The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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