Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
