I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
