i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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