he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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