I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
