Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
