there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
