Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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