ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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