last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
