I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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