if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
