Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
