there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
