dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
