well most of my day revolves around power hour
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
