hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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