What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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