ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
