you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
