so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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