I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
