So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
