legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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