the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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