so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
