I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
