I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it hurts more in the daytime
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
