11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
