Already got asked if we're dating
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
