Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
