the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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