went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
