It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
