Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
