If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
