Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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