I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
