driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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