So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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