Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
