there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
