you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
