We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
