So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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