He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
